Notes about Relationships

Some notes to think about...

1. There is nothing as a perfect marriage - Two people are bound to have differences. These differences do not indicate an underlying problem between the couple. How the couple resolves the issues is what determines the outcome of relationship, and the strength of it.

2. Marriages stay perfect for a very short while - And then issues emerge because people are constantly changing or the dynamics of the relationship is changing contsantly. So a perfect marriage will be perfect for a few months, and then some issues will come up. If the couple can resolve the issue, the marriage again becomes good, but only until the next issue comes along.

3. Singular instances of differences do not matter - But a pattern does. If I am mad at my girl friend because I feel that I am not able to give enough time to my work, and I grumble about it in every dispute we have, clearly we need to do something about it. However what i grumbled about 4 months back, and was resolved amicably does not matter. The complete surface matters, not the individual dot on it.

4. Couples should learn to compromise - They should learn to compromise before they are married. Especially the ones who are going to have a love marriage. Couples in love often times think that they will have everything as they have dreamt of, and that none of them will ever have to make any compromise whatsoever. It is real good for a couple to have 2-3 good big fights. They will be forced to resolve it. They will come to know each other better in the process. They will realise that they have to adjust and accomodate, and probably this will happen for the rest of their lives. And finally, they will see how strong their attachment is.

5. Everything matters - Mutual respect, friendship, earning potential, sex (!) and behavioral compatability. All of them can be issues of conflict. It may not be necessary to be compatible on all of these, but atleast knowing each other on these is a good idea.

6. Remember the lesson learnt in undergrad: Marry a woman who is beautiful for you, not for every one. A woman is beautiful for you if you like her, love her, and are willing to accept her as she is.